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stubborn-ass
Yesterday was the first day of work, after maybe 3 months of unemployment. I honestly don't know if I'll get used to it; if my body will follow or lag behind. Because my legs are killing me. My muscles aren't sore. Just my bones, the fibula and crap like that. I had a problem with the right fibula a few years ago and when I took an x-ray, there was a hollow hole, the size of a nickel, or quarter, and the doctors said that it was a benign tumor. I'm having trouble walking right now because of that fibula...and the pain extends all the way to my foot.
Waitressing isn't an easy thing. Not any dumb bitch can do it. This place, where I'm working, they don't let you set the tray down on the table. You have to either set it down at the next empty table or hold it in the air, while you set shit down. At first, I couldn't do that shit because it was so heavy. By the end of the night, it was mastered. My hands shake a great deal, so it's hard to set the shit down without either slamming it down or spilling some of it, if it's liquid. But I got that somewhat under control by the end of the night, too. My face would burn up, every time I'm in front of a table, doing something. But I got over that, too. I saw maybe 5 people that I knew from way back, like fellow junior high school and high school kids. I didn't too bad with the tips last night, even though I had to split it with the other waitress. It's barely enough, though.
Funny how the kitchen ahjumma (old lady) kept asking me questions every time I had to go back there. Eventually, it was to ask me if I wanted to hook up with her son. It was a good laugh. Me thinks that they aren't naturalized yet.
what's your name? how old are you? are you a citizen? do you have a boyfriend? would you hook up with someone else even still? even if the guy is a great guy?
I didn't go to work today because I had trouble walking. I don't know what I'm gonna do now.
I was scared. Things were going too great. And it was all too sudden. And new. Territory that I had only dreamt of, and heard of, and never ventured before. ms. suzette had wrote something like, it's easier to swallow the bad, than good. (you need to republish and archive or something - I can't find it). Yeah, I have more trouble dealing with "good things". I like to show all the "bad", expose myself, to know if someone likes me for only the "good" or the whole-me. That's what I kinda did the other night, and I overreacted. I brought up my past. I thought he thought less of me, but he didn't. I walked home cuz I was in full-defensive mode. I thought it was over. But he called me the next day. And I'm glad, because being the stuborn-ass that I am, I doubt I would've called him.
Ahh, I can't write. Write more later or something.
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