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falling, falling, falling
i saw him everyday, for the last two weeks. and tonight was the first time, in two weeks, that i didn't see him. i went out with the usual gang, and it just wasn't the same. i'm used to being the third-wheel, or the only one without a significant other, but tonight was different. i had someone, but didn't. he wasn't there.
i'm plagued with the thought that he likes weed more than me. i can't do anything, or be anything, to be more. so i'm just, sad. perhaps it's just me. but what can i say...i just can't help but to think two steps ahead.
the best thing to do...or better yet, the thing that i've proposed to myself, is detach myself a bit. and then we'll see. i'll catch up with my old church life, do my own thing there, find a job, keep myself busy with the job, and then we'll see. then i'll see whether he really is sick of me or not.
prince ii. 3 birthdays celebrated while we were there. how depressing, that my own birthday is coming up. sure, i'm the youngest out of the whole gang, but still. days go by fast, and the years just disappear. can't take time for granted, because everyone, e v e r y o n e is robbed, of time.
i was telling a dongseng the other day, how i don't like to use the word "depressed" too vainly, or lightly. because it's a serious word. of course it's all relative, to each person. but to me, i rarely get depressed. i don't like to allow myself. everyone has fucking problems. the only difference is to how much time each person has on their hands...and how much they actually do about it, by getting off their ass and at least trotting.
i am babbling.
i guess us humans are hopeless sentimental creatures. i don't know why i set myself up for (possible) disappointment. each and every time. why, oh why, oh why?
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