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desolate as the desert
I finally dragged my ass out of my warm bed after several unanswered phonecalls; the victor of my battle from my warm bed to the phone was pb. Went out to get some coffee, a potato croquet, or however you spell that. And as I was walking, I was just contemplating on how this life is just one big desert. Sure, we have technology that makes our lives easier, and more convenient, but in reality, if you look a little deeper, each and everyone is just walking in a desolate desert, where all you see is a series of mirage. People think that mirages only exist in the dry, hot deserts of Africa, or any other place that an atlas or book would name as a desert. But in reality, everyone is walking alone, on a quest, a journey, for something. And along the way, they thirst. Some people find alcohol to be their thirst quencher. But they thirst again. Some people find money, and seek for more, believing that only money will keep them fully happy, and satiated. But even the richest person on this earth still thirsts.
On a totally unrelated point, I bought some Korean paper - Joong ahng il bo and Korea Times, along with some cigarettes. I don't even know why I bother buying the paper. It's the same fucking shit, every single fucking day. And even if there is an opportunity staring right at me in the face, amidst all the gray and black print, I still end up doing fucking absolutely nothing by the end of the day. And the bills keep coming. Along with my bills, I will most probably have to fork over 500 bucks for some psychiatric help that I supposedly underwent 2 fucking years ago. The cold is not helping me. I must be sick, in the head, because every time I go out nowadays, I go through some sort of psychological setback. Like I want to just crawl back into my little hole, world. As if the ruthless cold is out there to get me. And I don't have enough armor to shield me. I think that I've just backslided way too much over the past few months. It all started with the hyperthyroidism, and I let that conquer me. For the past few years, it had always been me. Me, myself and I. I fueled my ownself, for whatever it was before me, that confronted me. But now, I can't even find the basic drive to even go out. I want to acknowledge God in my life again, but I don't.
Back to the papers.
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